Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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