im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
