If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
