So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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