Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
