He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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