non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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