My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
