i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
