I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
