I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
