Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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