85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
