He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
