it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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