Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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