i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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