you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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