I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
