my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
