I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
