You smell like a Billy Joel song
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm both gender and math confused
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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