At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
