Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
