nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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