I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
