i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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