No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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