The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
