I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize