Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
