DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
