I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
