We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
