I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
