You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
