Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
