guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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