they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
