the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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