why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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