so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
