based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
