remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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