I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
