Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm passing your future prison.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
