He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize