dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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