So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
