Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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