you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
