hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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