Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
