i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Welp...herpes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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