Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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