No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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