Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
