just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
