dude i'm inner monologue high
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
