hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
