I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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