new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
