My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
