it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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