I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
