Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
