I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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