Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
