Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
