I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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