I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
