You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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