OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
