I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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