i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
