Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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