wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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