after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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