Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
