First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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